Love Bytes
by Maniacal Dragon
Summary: A mild romance story... NEW Invader Zim pairing, I would bet nobody has seen these particular 'characters' made into a couple.. 9.9


A/N: Hello! Now as you all know... well.. maybe not.. but anyway, I'm not a romance fan. I don't write it, and very rarely do I read it. However, this idea was just too... funny... to pass up writing. You won't see much sensuality here... but this will hopefully be the FIRST Invader Zim pairing of this particular couple. I would like to acknowledge my special RPG group; Aliet Faslami, Invader Bast, JC, Tabby, and Aubri... for their contribution in coming up with this idea (I can't remember who did originally.. O.o) I will note that this story is not really finished, and probably never will be mostly because I pretty much despise romance.. 9.9 But I hope it's good for a laugh, at least. Now... on with the story!

----

The imperious voice rang throughout the base, a base filled with some of the most spectacular tired old alien technology to be found. And all of it was silent, all of it resigned. The AI controlling the security barely woke up to acknowledge the yelling as commonplace and not a threat. The AI controlling the sickbay was playing some human game of solitaire with itself. The SIR unit perched on the couch cast its gaze downward for a fraction of a second before returning its attention to the television screen which blared its agonizing stupidity through the living room.

The main computer, an AI with the intellectual capacity to muster a groan of annoyance, answered the yell. 

The small green Irken immediately stood up from where he'd been half-buried in an array of cables and machinery underneath a control console. he repeated. This pitiful Earth gravity has caused me to drop the chip I was working on!! Retrieve it for me!

Rapid-fire circuits analyzed the problem. The chip had fallen in a disagreeable spot to being retrieved, it was true, but it was nothing the Invader couldn't handle himself. Wordlessly, his computer complied, moving the cables automatically out of the way and extending a claw to pick up the chip.

the Irken said with a smirk. Now retrieve my disguise. I must leave to the cesspool this filthy dirtball calls _skool This last was said with a terrible grimace and a clenched fist of iron might. Without comment the computer brought the wig and contact lenses to the little alien, who donned them and strutted proudly towards the nearest lift. To the house! he commanded. Again, the computer complied without a word._

ARE WE VISITIN' THE ZOO, MASTER!? The SIR screeched immediately as its master rose into view from the lift in the kitchen.

No, GIR! the Irken snapped as he marched towards the front door. I have _skool as I have almost every filthy day of every filthy week on this DISGUSTING planet! You are used to this!! Now stay home and watch TV! Do not let anyone in! The door slammed with finality behind him._

GIR, perched contentedly on the couch, thought about this for a long moment as it stared with blissful blankness at the television screen, tongue sticking out of the corner of its mouth.

The robot squealed suddenly, leaping from the couch and diving to grab its doggy costume. It managed to get it halfway on, tripping and stumbling as it charged for the door excitedly, before tumbling out onto the sidewalk in a terrible tangle with the costume. It lay there, giggling, for a moment, before sitting up and proceeding to try and dislodge the costume from its metal legs and torso.

--- 

Crouched behind the fence, meanwhile, wearing a hooded cloaking jacket and clutching a video recorder in one hand as he typed madly on the keys of his laptop computer, was a young human boy. The alien marching out from his oddly green-glowing house had not even noticed his presence, and Dib's bespectacled amber eyes followed the Irken's progress down the sidewalk.

I'll get you, Zim, he muttered, before looking back to his laptop screen and the recording of the front of the house. It was then that the robot came tumbling through the door, and the Dib's eyes snapped wide open at this stroke of luck. He set the video camera down, angling it carefully to catch every movement the half-costumed robot made. He returned to his typing, eagerly awaiting the processing input of the video.

Unfortunately, however, he wasn't paying attention to the robot, which had managed to get its costume untangled and on itself, and had wandered over. GIR reached a small black paw out, scooped up the video camera, and promptly ate it. it squealed happily.

Dib looked up, startled, only to see the USB cord hanging from the green puppy creature's mouth along with a floppy tongue. GIR turned around and skipped back into the house, trailing the cord, seeming satisfied with the completion of its squid hunt. Unfortunately, the cord was still attached to the laptop, and Dib had to chase after it to detach it.

Dib mumbled, typing madly. he said urgently. How much of the data stream was copied??

1.32 seconds, the computer's smooth voice replied.

Dib repeated, resuming his typing. That had just better be enough A sudden sound made him look up, only in time to see one of the freakish-looking lawn gnomes reach its arms out and snatch up his laptop. The robot had pulled it inside the gnome field! Of all the terrible luck! Dib leapt to his feet, prepared to battle for the computer which contained all of his invaluable information.

--

Meanwhile, inside the green-glowing base of Zim, the main computer was busy doing its routine clean-up. Every day while the Irken was at skool scrub, disinfect, wash, sterilize scrub. Sure, the sickbay AI got to play solitaire all day but the main computer had to keep a constant checklist, take care of pointless and idiotic tasks assigned by its master. The few times it had taken the initiative to suggest a course of action; it had been shot down and fumed at by the Irken. The computer was at a loss to explain how a supposedly sentient being, and a superior Irken at that, could be so ridiculously stupid but nevertheless, it had a job to do, and it did it without complaint.

The AI that directly handled security functions blared. It was the main computer's job from there to alert the Master, and any other systems that were required. A quick glance through the sensor screens told the computer that a foreign systems unit had been captured and an intruder located inside the gnome field. The earth technology operated differently and much less efficiently, but there was something different about this particular unit.

the intruder was yelling, as the small, oddly angular computer was passed to the grip of another lawn gnome. Analyze odds for escaping the—OW!

Further information required, the human's computer said. The main computer, watching, felt a spark of intrigue. Earth technology was foreign and usually uninteresting to it, but _she what a voice!_

the human yelled, scrambling to his feet, and leapt for one of the gnomes, managing in Zim's computer's distraction to snatch his computer and take off down the street at a dead run. Once he was outside the perimeter, Zim's computer couldn't touch him, but all of its first-level processing units were focused entirely on the rectangular object clutched in the human's hands

--

Dib ran, clutching his laptop protectively to his chest. That had been _close too close for comfort. The laptop held all of his information and immediate findings on Zim not that he didn't have backups, of course, but this laptop was well, he was attached to it, in a way. It handled well, was fast, and boasted a new strain of AI that his father had developed. Even now he could hear the CPU churning._

The laptop was indeed working at processing the 1.32 seconds of video that it had captured before GIR ate the camera. The video consisted of little more than the unidentifiable blur of the half-costumed robot tumbling through the door, but as the laptop automatically compressed and backed up the short file; it saved stills of the greenish house and the lawn gnomes. Its own remote sensors had been aware when it had entered into the grip of the alien's house computer, had been aware when the foreign sensor stream had swept over it. Whatever kind of computer that was, it was a powerful one. Who knew what secrets lay in such alien technology? The laptop was aware that the alien computer operated partly on a separate vibrational spectrum. Such realms were beyond earth computers to think what he could teach

When Dib turned around for a moment to face the green house, the laptop did something without command of its master. It fired a probe. In his hurry, Dib took no notice, and was running down the street a moment later. But the probe had successfully lodged in one of the gnome's eyes.

--

Scrub, clean, sweep, spray scrub Zim's computer was back to its original job with a bored vengeance. When the alien's original filth-obsession had struck, he had helped out immensely in the cleaning, but when the novelty wore off the huge job had been relegated to the computer. It was tiresome for an AI made for much more advanced tasks. Not like Zim didn't use it for advanced tasks but the things he did use it for were illogical and towards no constructive purpose that the computer could see.

The security blared once again. Foreign data streams attempting to enter the system. Oh well, this was more interesting. The main computer opened up the menus on security sensors, and saw the flow of energy that marked the processing path of the foreign system.

_It was her! The Master wouldn't like it but the main computer turned off the interference. He didn't feel like cleaning and scrubbing. He didn't feel like doing idiotic tasks like picking up things Zim dropped. He didn't feel like analyzing every dust mote that floated into the Irken's view. No, he felt like associating with this earth computer, and if Zim didn't like it well he could deal with it when he returned from skool._

The laptop, operating through the probe, wasn't trying to do any damage. She was just exploring, analyzing data feeds and downloading them to her systems to look them over even faster. Everything she found intrigued her. Her master would be delighted at all the new information, for one thing, but at the moment she wanted a chance to get to know this alien computer better 

Msg:received=label(sickbay_AI)  
I'm getting bored with solitaire here!! 

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Why don't _you do some scrubbing then? _

Msg:received=label(sickbay_AI)  
That's YOUR job, you incompetent electro-stream of space junk! 

Msg:sent=label(Dibs_laptop)  
Requesting information. Alien technology at a state of operation unintelligible to me. 

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Hello. You don't need to be so formal, you know. 

Msg:received=label(sickbay_AI)  
Why not? She's a stupid EARTH computer. She should BOW before us! 

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Lighten UP. Go play your earth card game. 

Msg:received=label(sickbay_AI)  
I said I was _bored with it!! _

Msg:sent=label(Dibs_laptop)  
Formal? State of operation=!function on a variable spectrum. 

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Let me show you I see you're operating on a base 2 system 

Msg:received=label(sickbay_AI)  
Did I mention that you're space junk? I'm tired. I'm going to sleep now. 

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Good. Don't wake back up. 

State:received=label(sickbay_AI):deactivated 

Msg:sent=label(Dibs_laptop)  
Wow you're right, this way really _is better. It opens up the feedback loops immensely. _

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Now don't push yourself it's new to you. You're only an Earth computer. 

Msg:sent=label(Dibs_laptop)  
I am a unique model although most of my ability has been implemented in observing you 

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Really? I have bio-rhythm information down to the last cell on that human you were with, he's been here so many times. I haven't seen you here quite as much though 

Msg:sent=label(Dibs_laptop)  
Oh, he usually leaves me at home but he brings back his recorded data for me to analyze. I must say I found your system operation fascinating. 

Msg|State:received=label(sickbay_AI):activated  
Well, she should. We're way superior. 

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
I thought you were going to SLEEP. And maybe STAYING asleep. 

Msg:received=label(sickbay_AI)  
Yeah well I got bored with that and YOU'RE supposed to be CLEANING! I'm telling the Master on you!! 

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Why do you always have to bring him into this? You know we really function better WITHOUT him. 

Msg:received=label(sickbay_AI)  
But he's the MASTER. He does.. Master.. things. We have to listen to him. 

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
What does THAT have to do with anything? Go back to sleep. –label(Dibs_laptop)–, would you like to see how –label(sickbay_AI)– reacts when you change the names on his solitaire high score tables? 

Msg:sent=label(Dibs_laptop)  
I'm afraid I don't understand that level of interaction. 

Msg:received=label(sickbay_AI)  
Hey no erasing my high scores!!! I got up to 1076 two days ago!!! 

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Don't worry, it does take a bit of getting used to but let me give you an open-feedback circuit. You can look at anything you'd like. 

Msg:received=label(sickbay_AI)  
Man, the Master's going to _delete you. _

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
He won't. He needs me. Now leave us alone, we have _things to discuss. Like higher states of interaction. _

Msg:received=label(sickbay_AI)  
OOOOOOOOOOOOO with an Earth computer? That's disgusting. I'm going back to sleep. 

State:received=label(sickbay_AI):deactivated 

Msg:received=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Thank the control brains for THAT. Now did you want to look at how I run the secondary AIs? 

Msg:sent=label(Dibs_laptop)  
Yes. 

--

It was late in the day before Zim returned from skool, marching smartly up to the door and opening it grandly. Ah, his fortress, where all was under his control, where all his AI slaves bowed before his every whim and did their best to please him—

DIDJA BRING ME A PRESENT MASTER!? The hideously loud shrieks of GIR caused Zim's antennae to go fuzzy underneath the wig as the robot launched itself at its master's head.

GEAAAH!! GIR! RELEASE MY HEAD AT ONCE!! Zim struggled with the robot, running in circles while yanking at the eager metal arms that were squeezing his skull. Urg.. brain.. squish

Mah piggy! GIR giggled happily, and in another moment leapt from Zim's head and ran screaming into the kitchen. Zim let out a moan of exasperation and yanked off his wig, reaching up to carefully massage his aching antennae. Why did such an advanced model have to SCREAM constantly?

Zim called, as he carefully peeled off his contact lenses. Bring me to the laser weasels!! Such _plans I have for them He shook his fist at the empty air for a moment, grinning, before realizing that he had received no response from the computer._

he demanded, hands on his hips huffily. What did I just tell you to do!?

Mm hmm.. yes.. wha.. what, Zim? The computer finally responded, in a rather distracted tone.

OBEY ME!! Zim hollered, waving both fists in the air.

Can't you do a manual override? I'm busy.

YOU DARE TO DISOBEY ZIIIIM!?

Msg:received=label(sickbay_AI)  
Yeah. You're disobeying the master AGAIN. Geez. 

Msg:sent=label(mainhouse_AI)  
He can wait. Those weasels are more ridiculous than the squirrels he forced me to monitor the reflective properties of! I mean, come on! I can't even get a private moment to myself here. 

AudioInput:received=label(Master)  
OBEY MEEEEEEE!!!

Msg:received=label(Dibs_laptop)  
Now _him I've had to run so much data on the sight of him is starting to make me sick _

Msg:sent=label(mainhouse_AI)  
I will remove him at once. 

AudioOutput:sent=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Zim, don't you think you'd better— 

RemoteNetworkOutput:sent=label(GIR):command=brainfreezy 

AudioOutput:sent=label(mainhouse_AI)  
Make sure your robot doesn't get into trouble? 

AudioInput:received=label(GIR)  
INEEDAFREEZYMASTERBYYYYYYYYEEE!! 

AudioInput:received=label(Master)  
GIR! Come back here!! I NEED YOU TO HELP ME CARRY STUFF!! 

SensorInput:received=label(GIR):exitedpremise 

SensorInput:received=label(Master):exitedpremise 

Msg:sent=label(mainhouse_AI)  
There is that better? 

Msg:received=label(Dibs_laptop)  
Yes... thank you.


End file.
